8 Days in and I've Already Flopped my Resolution
On Self-Acceptance, Orgasms & Refining Intentions
Listen, I’m not much of a New Year’s resolution girlie. To be completely honest I have a deep destain for the #NewYearNewMe narrative, especially given that it unfolds in the dead of winter. A time where the sun is sparse and the rest of nature is pausing in wait for the rebirth of spring. Yet we’re often out here trying to revolutionize who we are and how we show up, when everything else is sleeping. Make it make sense!
What I do like to engage in ritually with the turning of the year is a pulling inward and deep reflection. I use New Years Eve as a self-ceremony where I revisit all the photos in my camera roll and let myself remember. I take stock of the energy I felt throughout the year and get curious about what I might be longing for more or less of. I revisit my values and feel into whether or not I’m feeling aligned and from there offer myself loving course corrections.
It’s through this ritual that I shifted from resolutions into in’s/out’s lists which eventually grew to become more/less. The former feeling rigid and urgent, where the latter leaves room for flexibility and the reminder that I am a human who fluxes and flows.
This years list looked like this:
More:
Nature time
Orgasms
Slowness
Asking for support
Play
Art
Teamwork
Community
Dreaming
Courageous Action
Devotion
Fluid movement
Self-advocacy
Less:
Rushing
Isolation
Radio
Holding back
Doom scrolling
Old stories that no longer serve
Hiding
Alcohol
Self-doubt
Although 2024 had so much growth, love, adventure, learning, new connections and magic in it, it was also a deeply challenging year. One that found me crawling through and at other points wanting to throw in the towel or flee. The magnitude of what I was handed last year paired with witnessing genocide in a world that often feels like a dumpster fire had me operating from survival far more than I’d like to admit. And it’s in the acknowledgement of that, that I came up with a somewhat ridiculous resolution of sorts.
Something I know deep in my bones is that pleasure is healing & holy. Another thing I know is that it felt so much further this last year for me than it has in a long time. Somewhere along the way I let things fall by the wayside as I got entrenched in just getting through life. Things got busy and chaotic and I no longer was showing up consistently to cultivate the pleasure I deeply needed. The pleasure that is my responsibility, and no one else’s. So from this I got curious and started to ask myself questions like “what might become available to me if I was engaging in pleasure more consistently”, “ how might I feel in my body and the world if I was accessing physical pleasure abundantly”, “would I be more present in my body and life if pleasure had more space here”. It wasn’t long before I knew it was something that needed my attention in the coming year, so I made a ridiculous declaration that 2025 would be the year I’d orgasm every single day.
You know that thing that can happen when we make a lofty resolution and then find ourselves not being able to sustain it? Or realize maybe we missed the mark and it wasn’t really a thing we needed? Oh hi, it’s me.
What started out as a fun lofty goal to help warm me back up to life, quickly turned into a chore that just wasn’t hitting. I literally set myself up to chase an orgasm, which is the opposite of what I fundamentally believe about pleasure… whoops. What I was finding is that the times I was going for it I often was ending up with sort of a quick sneeze like rub out, which don’t get me wrong sometimes a quick and dirty is delightful and exactly what you need, but for the purpose of what I was wanting to engage in and cultivate it definitely wasn’t. If it wasn’t that it was missing it entirely and then feeling a weird sense of guilt or failure the next day which made the task feel like exactly that, a task. It took me 8 whole days to realize that I had clearly missed the fucking mark, so back to the drawing board I go.
This morning as I was reflecting and feeling my way through all of this I went back to my initial intention and had sort of an ahah moment. I somehow leapt towards orgasm when my actual intention was pleasure, and coming more deeply into my body and the goodness that is available to me at any given moment. I don’t need the orgasm, what I need is pleasure outside of pressure or a destination. What I am longing for is a devotional pleasure practice that is flexible and nuanced, that has room to shift and grow based on how I’m feeling day to day and moment to moment.
So that’s exactly what I’m going to do! Out with the O a day and in with a new intention of setting aside 15 minutes a day devoted to my pleasure. 15 minutes a day to get curious, connect in and engage in something that feels fucking delicious. No rushing, no expectation, no cookie cutter approach, but instead an open ended delightful self-exploration where I get to remember the dynamic pleasure available to me and be open to how it might reopen me.
Rather than throwing the baby out with the bath water I’m allowing myself a pivot, a realignment that’s more rooted to my initial desire and need. Because fuck yeah I’m human and sometimes I miss the mark even in my own care, and part of my devotion to myself which is the cornerstone of my 2025 year, is letting myself realign when I feel that something isn’t quite right.
So here’s to cultivating more pleasure and staying honest with ourselves in this fresh new year. To continuing to be the scrappy relentless badass that can survive heaps while staying open to all the good that’s available, too.
Blessed New Year BB’s, I hope you cultivate everything you desire in the coming year after a deep deep restful winter.