Swallowed by summer
the hopeless desire for balance in a full season
a blink, a blur a moment in time blanketed by sticky heat.
rush of laughter, little hands splashing the days away.
memories made so quickly they feel impossible to hold onto.
exhilaration of the now moment propelling reckless abandon and too much sun.
summer has swallowed me whole, and I let it.
This honestly has been feeling like the busiest season of my life in a multitude of ways. A textural smorgasbord of too much to do and limited hours, days and minutes. The futile task of trying to balance mothering, creating and running a business. I feel as though I haven’t paused to catch my breath or find my bearings in weeks. The discomfort of wanting the space pressing up against the fear of missing out and desire to throw caution to the wind and keep going. The looming weight of my body and health changing beckoning me to make the most of what’s here now because we don’t know what later might be. Showing up to my promise of let’s make the most of this season even if it feels almost entirely out of my control.
The last few weeks alone have looked like hosting 2 birthday parties for my kids, shooting & delivering a gallery of my dear friends wedding, what feels like a million pool trips, a concert, several nights out with friends, delicious food and equal amounts of hotdogs & burgers, the occasional cafe hang for air conditioned sanity in a heatwave and a million other things I can’t quite remember in this moment. What I can tell you for sure is that it’s been so full and the calendar keeps getting fuller as I lean into the abundance of it all. I am grateful and TIRED, longing for the pause of a trailer trip that’s fast approaching that I haven’t even begin to plan packing lists for.
Sometimes I wish it was more settled, more streamlined and easier to manage, in these moments I remind myself that it’s cyclical and not always like this. That inevitably on the other side of all of this will be a winter season where my kids are gone 6 hours a day and I find myself missing the rush and warmth of it all. It’s not a dismissal of the challenge that is now, but it is an acknowledgement that this is temporary and even in the chaos and rush of it all there will be moments of pause, of appreciation, of uninterrupted nature and putting everything else down. That in a few short weeks I’ll have 10 whole days without a laptop or phone and nothing but presence. That the very abundance and pull that is sometimes hard to hold is a gift which I get to settle even deeper into when the pause comes.
It’s a lot and I am glad for it. Now to remember to take pictures in the thick of it so I can better remember the fullness of this part of my life.
What has this season been feeling like for you? What have you been leaning into or perhaps feel swept away by?